Being Alive at 35: Why a Boudoir Photoshoot Should Be On Your Bucket List

Being alive at 35 was interesting. I started writing this blog at that age, and picked it up now, a couple months into 36. Sometimes, I have to marinate in things before I’m ready to send them into the world.

This season of life, I’m embracing a few things and learning about some new areas. I dove into body positivity, doing things even if they are scary, checking things off my bucket list, and trying to learn to radically love myself.

I’ve always loved lingerie and photoshoots, so I decided to leap and do a boudoir photoshoot. The first one I did found me a good 40 pounds heavier than prior to COVID. I had not worked out nearly as much as I should have. I was curvy, soft, and honestly, I was pretty at peace with my body just as it was. So I dug out some things that made me feel pretty, put on my “evil queen” makeup and had an awesome hour with Sabrina Thomas of Leanna Rose Photography.

I felt so beautiful and powerful. She said pose like this and I did. She coached, tilted, and encouraged the entire time. I went from being nervous and uncertain of what to expect, to suddenly vamping it up with her house plants and playfully tossing my curls around. Who was this woman? Where did this confidence come from?

In the photos, I can see my rolls, my stretch marks, my curves where there was once smooth, lean muscle, and I loved everything I saw. Every inch of soft mom, who chose snuggles over sit ups. Every time I said yes to the cupcakes my kid baked instead of “that has gluten, I can’t.” The afternoons I spent curled up with a book instead of forcing my family on a hike or bike ride. The cheesesteaks that calmed me after a rough day. 

When I told people I had always wanted to do a boudoir photoshoot, there were a few different reactions. Some people had the reaction of, “Why would you want to do THAT?!” Some were like, “Wow, you are so brave, I could never, I am way too shy.” Some people said things like, “My partner would not care, so why would I bother!” Others said negative things about their body like, “I’m too fat/old/ugly for that.” 

What is a boudoir photoshoot? Boudoir photography is a photographic style featuring intimate, sensual, romantic, and sometimes erotic images of its subjects in a photographic studio, bedroom or private dressing room environment, primarily intended for the private enjoyment of the subjects and their romantic partners, per Wikipedia.

Why would someone want to do a boudoir photoshoot? It is a new and fun experience. It is ballsy enough to be a “bucket list item” without being too dangerous/scandalous. It is a lot safer than skydiving. But seriously, it is something you may not even know is on your bucket list. It is an opportunity to find out different aspects of your sensuality and sexuality, in a safe and supportive environment. They (your skilled and awesome photographer) are there to make you look AMAZING. They are posing you and giving you cues. They have studied ways to be able to use the best angles and light to make you look like a model. 

Thinking you’re too shy? Secret fun fact about me…I am a very shy introvert. I have to “heave ho” to put myself out into the world for the sake of this audience. But if I could spend all day with just myself or closest family and friends, I would never complain. But here are some words of encouragement. These photos, if you choose to do them, are only for you and whomever you choose to share them with. Which may be no one. Or you may keep them in a safe place until you find a person who earns your trust enough to share them. Maybe, they will be a sexy secret used as decor in a private corner of your home or a secret book gifted to a lover. Maybe they are a way to document your amazing body at a phase of life. Bottom line, the only person at your shoot (aside from you) will likely be your photographer and they are going to act as if you are in neck high flannel jammies. 

Don’t think your partner would care? If it is something you want to try and are interested in, I challenge you to have a mindset of “so what.” Just because you are in a relationship, does not mean every choice you make has to be for them. If you want to try a fun photoshoot, then do it for yourself. Nothing is more powerful of a feeling than “feeling” yourself. Confidence is sexy. Body positivity is healing. In a world where we are constantly bombarded with the perfect bodies and faces in the content we consume, learning to see the beauty in your own body is priceless. 

Letting body shame get in the way of your fun? For the people who start to list their flaws as reasons they could never sit for this type of a photoshoot, I want to hug you and tell you that you are wrong about yourself. The body you have is one that you have built over the years. This body has been with you for life and has stuck with you through all the good and the bad. You only have one body, so live in it and enjoy it. Do not let small imperfections that others likely cannot see take away from that joy. Think about babies and toddlers, they love and enjoy their bodies just the way they are. As we grow, we let society, parents, partners, friends, and negative self talk tell us that things about us are wrong. Maybe the wrong size. Maybe the wrong shape. The wrong color. Not symmetrical. Too symmetrical. Too sharp, too round, too plain, too striking. We could all create a list of 20 terrible things to say about ourselves, but a photoshoot like this is to highlight all of the amazingness that is you.

Not sure where I’m going with this blog…me neither friend! Just kidding! 

Why is a pelvic floor therapist “advertising” a boudoir photoshoot? A few reasons. 

I work with people in transition. Those who are entering pregnancy, living life postpartum, throughout parenting, through menopause, and aging in general. People in transition can struggle with changes in their sexual function and their sexual desire. Pelvic floor specialists can totally help with the physical changes, but the biggest sex organ is the brain. What better way than to get the brain interested in intimacy than by seeing yourself in the most beautiful, sexy version of yourself. 

In “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagowski, she talks about how moving towards desire is like driving a car. There has to be a balance between the brakes and the accelerator. To move a car forward, the foot has to come off the brake pedal and onto the gas pedal. When we think about sexual function, we can think about two categories, brakes and accelerators. Brakes are anything that is a turn off or negative about yourself, your partner, life, or sexuality. Accelerators are anything that is a turn on or positive about yourself, your partner, life ,or sexuality. See the example chart below:

Accelerators	Brakes
The things that attract you to your partner	You feel fat/ugly/unattractive
You like the way your partner smells	You are worried about what your partner will think about your body
You took time for self care to feel beautiful	You think your vagina/vulva is wrong in some way (hairy, smelly, too much or too little natural lubrication, etc.)
You partner did the chores	You are overwhelmed by the mental load of life
You’re well fed and rested	Stress in general

We all have life stressors and things that may affect our levels of sexual desire. No relationship is perfect. There are good things and bad things between every couple. Any healthy relationship is about balance. The key to building sexual desire and moving it forward in a positive direction is to decrease the amount of brakes going on, and highlight the accelerators. This usually includes managing stress and having some honest conversations with your partner. Taking time to engage in self care, body positivity, and self love can really help to move you towards more desire and intimate enjoyment as well. 

Tips for Your Boudoir Shoot

Choose what feels comfortable. You do not have to wear lingerie. If you are afraid to show too much skin, then you don’t need to. Consider wearing a favorite team jersey, an oversized button up, wrap up or drape with a beautiful textile. Remember that sometimes less can be more, and what you can’t see but is inferred can be just as sexy as straight up skin. 

Eyelashes are key. Some boudoir photography packages offer hair and makeup, and others do not. If you are anything like me, you may not be the best at doing your own makeup. A boudoir shoot can be an investment, and then adding hair and makeup may put it out of your budget. But if you can do a good concealer and some falsies on your lashes, with a slick lippie, you will be good to go. I had stumbled upon magnetic lashes when doing makeup to dress up as evil characters annually for Halloween. Make a good line of the magnetic eye liner, let dry, and then they snap on and they last until you take them off! 

Be comfortable with your photographer. Do your research and find a photographer who is a good fit for you. Chat with them. They will be the one guiding and cheering you through this process. Most have social media profiles and you can get ideas of what you like and what you would like to avoid. I have worked with two different photographers and both have been lovely but different. It was great to chat with them beforehand to know a little better what the day of interaction would be like. 

Take a Yas Queen Shower. Have you seen the meme that talks about how moms take three different showers? One type is the “In and Out” to clean what needs to be cleaned. One is where we stare at the wall and question our life. The third is a “Yas Queen” shower full of shaving and moisturizing! Exfoliate, moisturize, and prep your skin to glow on your shoot day. You do not ever have to shave or wax anything you don’t want to, but if 5 o’clock underarm shadow is going to bother you, know that before you get into your shoot!

Have outfit options. Some studios provide a wardrobe that is amazing, and you won’t have to bring anything but knowledge of what you like. But if you are bringing your own attire for your shoot, bring options. Most photographers will ask you to bring 2 – 5 looks. Bring some accessories, a wrap, a robe, maybe a fun pair of heels, and anything else you can think of to help you bring out your inner goddess. 

Some final thoughts and notes that I have to share include that you do not have to be a certain age range or phase of life to do a boudoir shoot. You can be sixty and celebrate the amazing body you have. You can be eight months pregnant and be photographed as a beautiful human growing a person. You do not have to be at your goal weight. You do not have to be a certain level of fitness. You do not need to be anything but yourself. A boudoir shoot is an amazing way to celebrate your acceptance and love of your body with the option to give that gift to someone you hold dear to you. 

The photos from this blog are a mix and labeled accordingly. Some are from my shoot with Sabrina Thomas of Leanna Rose Photography earlier this year. Her packages are DIY for hair, makeup, and clothing, which allows you to be as creative as you would like. My favorite shop, The Bra Boudoir, is a great place to go pick up some intimate apparel, even if you aren’t fully ready for a shoot! I also recently had the opportunity to answer a model call with Ally Kimpton from Luxe Boudoir Studios by Ally Kimpton. She has a full wardrobe to pick from, with hair and makeup makeover as part of the session fee. These pictures were also amazing and I highly recommend either studio for an awesome experience.

If this is something that has appealed to you, I hope you feel encouraged to give it more thought, or better yet, to give it a try!

Perfectly Yours!

Dr. Mo